How to organise Secret Santa: rules, spending limits and the draw

How does Secret Santa work?

Everyone puts their name in, everyone draws one name, and each person buys a gift for the name they drew without telling anyone. On the day the gifts are handed out and opened, and the guessing begins. One good gift each, instead of a pile of small ones for everybody, is the whole charm of it.

1. Decide who’s in. Make it optional, and set a date to join by.
2. Agree the spending limit and the day gifts are swapped.
3. Draw names, so everyone has exactly one person to buy for and nobody has themselves.
4. Share wish lists, if your group uses them.
5. Buy, wrap and label the gift to its person, from “your Secret Santa”.
6. Swap the gifts: under the tree, at the party, or by post for anyone far away.
7. Reveal who had whom, or don’t. Some groups guess; some keep the secret for good.

Kris Kringle is the same thing. It’s the name many Australians use, in offices and families alike; the UK and the US mostly say Secret Santa. Kris Kringle comes from the German Christkindl, the Christ child, who brings the presents in parts of Germany and Austria.

What are the rules of Secret Santa?

The rules are whatever your group agrees before the draw. These are the ones most groups use:

• One spending limit for everyone, set before names are drawn. Going well over it isn’t kind to whoever opens their gift next.
• Keep it secret. Don’t tell anyone whose name you drew, including the organiser.
• No swapping names. If you drew your manager or your brother-in-law, that’s the game.
• Wish lists are welcome. Three ideas at different prices, or a few likes and dislikes, saves a lot of guessing.
• Couples and households don’t draw each other. They’re buying for each other anyway.
• Everyone who joins, gives. If you’re in the draw, your gift arrives on the day, or is sent ahead.
• Label it to them, not from you.
• Keep it kind. No gifts that comment on someone’s body, age, habits or beliefs.

How much should you spend on Secret Santa?

Spend whatever limit your group agreed, and treat it as the target, not the floor. There’s no official amount: the right limit is one nobody in the group has to think twice about.

At work, stay at the low end. Colleagues earn very different salaries, and the limit is the same for the newest graduate as for the managing director. In families, Secret Santa often replaces buying for every adult, so a higher limit can still mean spending less overall.

How do you draw names for Secret Santa fairly?

A fair draw gives everyone exactly one person, never themselves, never their own partner if it can be avoided, and tells each person only their own match.

Drawing from a hat

Write each name on a slip, fold it, and draw in turn. If someone draws their own name, they put it back and draw again; if the last person is left holding their own name, everyone draws again. It’s simple and a little festive, but everyone needs to be in one room, and keeping couples apart means someone sorting slips by hand.

Drawing online

A name-drawing website or app draws for you and shows each person only their own match, on their own phone. Nobody, not even the organiser, knows the pairs. It keeps couples apart without anyone sorting slips, and it works when half the group lives interstate or overseas.

Why it’s a circle, not pairs

Secret Santa doesn’t pair people off. Each person gives to one and receives from another, so the gifts go round in a chain: Ava buys for Ben, Ben for Chloe, Chloe for Dev, and Dev for Ava. That’s why an odd number works perfectly: seven people, seven gifts.

Three is the smallest group that works. With two, you’d each know who has you. With three, a puzzle-minded person can work out the whole chain from their own match, so the fun is in the gifts more than the mystery. From four people up, nobody can tell from their own match who has them.

What if someone drops out after the draw?

Whoever was buying for the person who dropped out takes over that person’s recipient. Nobody else’s match changes, only one person needs telling, and everyone who stays in still gets a gift.

Say Ava buys for Ben, and Ben buys for Chloe. If Ben can’t come, Ava buys for Chloe instead. If Ava has already bought something for Ben, she can give it to him another time, or keep it as a spare.

A hat draw can leave two people buying for each other. If one of them drops out, that fix would leave the other buying for themselves, so instead ask a volunteer to buy a spare gift, or draw again.

Someone joining after the draw can slot into the chain: pick one person, give them the newcomer to buy for, and give the newcomer the person they had. Two people need telling, and whoever does the swap learns one pair, so let someone neutral do it.

What’s the difference between Secret Santa, a Yankee swap, white elephant and dirty Santa?

Secret Santa is one gift, bought for one person you drew in advance. A Yankee swap, a white elephant and a dirty Santa are names for a different game: everyone brings one wrapped gift for no one in particular, and on the day people take turns opening a gift or stealing one somebody else has already opened.

How a Yankee swap or white elephant works

1. Everyone brings one wrapped gift, within the limit, and adds it to the pile.
2. Draw numbers for the order.
3. Number one opens a gift from the pile.
4. Each next person either opens a new gift or steals one that’s already open. Anyone whose gift is stolen chooses again: steal another, or open a new one.
5. Most groups add limits: a gift can be stolen two or three times before it’s frozen, and nobody can steal straight back the gift just taken from them.
6. When the last gift is opened, the game ends. Many groups give number one a final chance to swap, since they never had a turn to steal.

The names are mostly regional and American. “Yankee swap” is heard most in New England and “dirty Santa” in the South, while “white elephant” is used widely and often means funny or regifted presents rather than useful ones; a white elephant is a gift that’s more trouble than it’s worth.

What makes a good Secret Santa gift?

Something the person will use or enjoy, close to the limit, and wrapped. When in doubt, choose something they can eat, drink, read, play or use every day.

• At a small limit: something they’ll use up, such as good chocolate, coffee or tea, a candle, or a favourite snack.
• At a middle limit: a book, a plant, a notebook and a good pen, a card game, or something for their hobby.
• At a generous limit: the thing they mentioned wanting, an experience, or a voucher for a shop they love.

Skip anything about someone’s looks, weight, age or habits, alcohol unless you know they drink, and joke gifts at work, which land very differently with different people. A gift card isn’t thrilling, but it’s rarely wrong.

What do you write on a Secret Santa gift tag?

Write their name, and sign it from Secret Santa (or Kris Kringle). Leave your own name off, and print the tag or disguise your handwriting if the group knows it.

How do you run Secret Santa at work?

Make it optional, keep the limit low, and make saying no as easy as saying yes. A work Secret Santa is for the people who want to play, not a test of team spirit.

• Ask people to opt in, rather than to opt out. A tick box when they reply to the party invitation works well.
• Keep it inclusive. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and some people would rather not swap gifts with colleagues, for all kinds of reasons. Nobody should have to explain why they’re not joining.
• One limit for everyone, from the newest graduate to the boss.
• No gifts that could embarrass: nothing about bodies, relationships, drinking, religion or politics.
• Include people who work remotely. Draw online, collect delivery addresses early, and open the gifts together on a video call.
• Keep a spare gift or two, for whoever joined the team last Monday.

For the rest of the party, from the venue to getting everyone home, see Planning a work Christmas party, and for the invitation itself, Christmas party invitation wording.

Running your Secret Santa with Wonderful Invites

With a Wonderful Invites Christmas invitation, Secret Santa is part of the invitation. Guests tick “Count me in” when they reply, and you set the spending limit and a note (when and where the gifts are swapped, say). Once at least three people have joined, you draw the names.

Each person sees only their own match, on their own link, and you never see who has whom, even as the host. People on the same invitation don’t draw each other where it can be avoided, and if someone drops out after the draw, the person who had them takes over their recipient, and everyone else’s match stays as it was.

Questions people also ask