Weddings · 9 min read
Wedding RSVPs: reply-by dates, reminders, dietary requirements and guests who don’t reply
How to choose the date, what to ask, how to chase the quiet ones, and how replies become final numbers.
By Wonderful Invites · Updated
The short answer
Set your reply-by date 3 to 4 weeks before the wedding (6 to 8 weeks for a destination wedding), and at least 1 to 2 weeks before your caterer’s final-numbers deadline. Ask each guest by name whether they’re coming, and about dietary requirements and allergies. Send a gentle reminder about a week before the date, then message or call anyone still quiet once it passes.
- Reply-by date: 3 to 4 weeks before the wedding; 6 to 8 weeks for a destination wedding.
- Ask per person, not per invitation: who’s coming, and any dietary requirements or allergies.
- “RSVP” already means “please reply”, so “Please RSVP” says please twice.
- Remind about a week before the date; follow up personally once it passes.
- Avoid “regrets only” for a wedding: silence could mean yes, or a lost invitation.
- Final numbers usually go to the caterer 1 to 2 weeks before. Check your contract.
When should the RSVP date be for a wedding?
3 to 4 weeks before the wedding for a local wedding, and 6 to 8 weeks for a destination wedding. Work backwards from your caterer’s final-numbers deadline, leaving one to two weeks to chase the replies that don’t arrive on time.
| Wedding | Reply-by date | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Local wedding | 3 to 4 weeks before | Time to chase late replies before final numbers are due |
| Destination wedding | 6 to 8 weeks before | Accommodation and transport may need numbers earlier |
| December wedding | About 4 weeks before | Calendars fill early, and some suppliers close over the holidays |
| With a B list | An earlier date for the first round | Leaves time to invite more guests as places open up |
When everything else goes out is in When to send save the dates and wedding invitations, and how a B list works is in Your wedding guest list.
What should we ask guests when they reply?
Only what you need to run the day: who’s coming, by name, and what they can’t eat. Every extra question is one more reason to put the reply off until later.
Always ask
- Each person’s answer, by name. “Three coming” from a family of four tells you nothing about who.
- Which events, if guests are invited to more than one: the ceremony, the reception, a welcome party.
- Dietary requirements and allergies, for each person who’s coming.
Ask if it applies
- A meal choice, if your menu is plated with options. Many Australian caterers serve an alternate drop (two dishes served alternately around the table) or a shared menu, and then you only need dietary requirements.
- Transport or accommodation, if you’re running a bus or holding rooms.
- A song request, if you’d like one. Entirely optional, and guests enjoy it.
Dietary requirements and allergies
Ask whether it’s an allergy or a preference, and how serious. A caterer treats “no nuts, I carry an adrenaline pen” very differently from “I avoid gluten when I can”, and needs to know which is which. Offer the common ones as choices (vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, gluten-free, dairy-free, nut allergy, halal, kosher) with a line to write in anything else.
The favour of a reply is requested by the twentieth of February
Name(s): ____________
Joyfully accepts
Regretfully declines
Dietary requirements or allergies: ____________
I promise to dance if you play: ____________
How do we word the reply line?
Say by when, in the same voice as the rest of the invitation. “Kindly reply by 20 February” works for almost any wedding.
| Wording | Suits |
|---|---|
| “The favour of a reply is requested by the twentieth of February” | A formal invitation |
| “R.s.v.p. by 20 February” | Formal or semi-formal |
| “Kindly reply by 20 February” | Almost any wedding |
| “Let us know if you can make it by 20 February” | Relaxed |
Customs differ. In the US, a reply card with a line beginning “M” (for the guest to finish as Mr, Mrs or Ms) is traditional. The most formal British tradition has no reply card at all: guests write a short reply in the third person (“Mr and Mrs Nguyen thank Mr and Mrs Bennett for their kind invitation…”). Many couples everywhere now take replies online or by message, which does away with the card altogether.
For the rest of the invitation’s words, see Wedding invitation wording.
How do we chase guests who haven’t replied?
Kindly, and more than once if you need to. Most late replies are forgotten, not undecided: a short reminder with the way to reply in it catches most people, and a personal message catches the rest.
- About a week before the reply-by date: a gentle reminder to everyone who hasn’t replied.
- The day after it passes: a personal message to anyone still quiet.
- Two or three days later: a phone call, or ask a parent to call their side of the family.
A reminder in the family group chat rarely works: everybody reads it, and everybody assumes it’s meant for someone else. Send each person their own.
Hi Priya, a gentle reminder to let us know if you can come to our wedding on 20 March.
Replies are due by 20 February. We’d love to see you there.
Hi Tom, we’re giving the caterer our numbers this week. Could you let us know by Friday if you’re coming?
No pressure either way: we just don’t want to miss you.
Hi Auntie Mai, it’s Linh. Thomas and Daniel send their final numbers to the venue on Monday and haven’t heard from you yet.
Are you and Uncle Duc able to come?
“Hi, it’s Olivia. We’re doing final numbers and I wanted to check our invitation reached you. Will you be able to make it?”
What if a guest replies for someone who wasn’t invited?
Reply quickly, privately and kindly, and hold your line. The names on the invitation are who’s invited; a guest who adds a partner or children has usually misunderstood, and a warm, clear message settles it without a fuss.
Hi Jess, we’re so glad you can come.
We’ve had to keep numbers to the names on each invitation, so we’re not able to include plus ones. We hope you understand, and we can’t wait to celebrate with you.
Hi Anna and Ben, thank you for replying.
Our wedding is adults only, apart from the wedding party, so we’re not able to include the kids. We understand if that makes it tricky, and we’d love to see you both if you can make it work.
If you make an exception, make it for a reason you could explain to everyone. Guests talk, usually at the wedding itself.
What if a guest changes their reply?
Thank them, update your numbers, and check the timing against your caterer’s deadline. Before final numbers are due, a change costs nothing; after, you’ll usually still pay for a guest who drops out, and a late yes depends on whether there’s room.
- Yes, then no: thank them for telling you. It’s far better than an empty seat on the day.
- No, then yes: welcome them if there’s room and your numbers aren’t final. If they are, ask your venue before you say yes.
- Yes, then they don’t come: it happens. Venues usually charge for the numbers you confirmed, so expect to pay for that meal.
Hi Marcus, we’re so touched you can make it now.
We’ve already given the venue our final numbers and we’re at capacity, so we can’t add anyone. We’re really sorry. Let’s celebrate together soon.
How do we give the caterer final numbers?
Count the people who’ve said yes, not the invitations, and send that count with a dietary list by the date in your contract, usually 1 to 2 weeks before the wedding.
- Count every person who has said yes, by name.
- Separate adults, children (who may have their own menu) and babies who won’t need a meal.
- Add suppliers who need a meal, such as your photographer or band, if your contracts say so.
- List each dietary requirement and allergy with the guest’s name, and their table if you have a seating plan.
- Put serious allergies at the top, on their own, so nobody can miss them.
- Send it in writing, and ask the venue to confirm they have it.
What does “regrets only” mean, and should we use it?
“Regrets only” asks guests to reply only if they can’t come; silence means yes. It suits a casual open house or drinks where numbers can flex, but it’s risky for a wedding: you can’t tell a guest who’s coming from one whose invitation never arrived, or who simply forgot.
For anything with a seated meal, a bar tab or a venue limit, ask everyone for an answer.
Collecting replies with Wonderful Invites
With Wonderful Invites, guests reply from the invitation itself, dietary requirements included: vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, gluten-free, dairy-free, nut allergy, halal or kosher, or a line of their own. You see every answer, with counts for the caterer, and each reply is emailed to you as it arrives.
You can see who has opened their invitation and send a reminder to just those who haven’t replied, and a reminder email comes to you before the reply-by date. If a guest is bringing a plus one, they give the name and mobile, and you approve them or welcome them automatically.
Questions people also ask
How long before a wedding should RSVPs be due?
Wedding RSVPs are usually due 3 to 4 weeks before a local wedding and 6 to 8 weeks before a destination wedding. Set the date one to two weeks before your caterer’s final-numbers deadline, so there’s time to chase late replies.
What does RSVP stand for?
RSVP stands for “répondez s’il vous plaît”, French for “please reply”. Because the please is already in it, “Please RSVP” is redundant; “RSVP by 20 February” or “Kindly reply by 20 February” is enough.
Is it rude to chase wedding RSVPs?
No. Chasing wedding RSVPs is expected, because the caterer and venue need firm numbers. A friendly reminder about a week before the reply-by date, then a personal message or call once it passes, is polite and usually all it takes.
What should we do if a guest RSVPs for children who weren’t invited?
Reply quickly and privately, kindly explaining that the wedding is adults only, or that numbers are limited to the names on the invitation, and that you hope they can still come. Make exceptions only for reasons you could explain to every guest.
Should a wedding RSVP ask about dietary requirements?
Yes. Asking every guest about dietary requirements and allergies on the wedding RSVP gives your caterer what they need in one go. Ask whether it’s an allergy or a preference, and how serious, so severe allergies can be flagged.
What happens if a wedding guest says yes and doesn’t come?
Venues and caterers usually charge for the final numbers you confirm, so you’ll normally still pay for that guest’s meal. Check your contract, and confirm only the number you’re sure of.